Last week, I told you about a simple shopping trip that took an unexpected turn for the worse. This week, I take a deeper dive into the fears and insecurities I experienced as I returned to Albania and planned to start a new ministry.

* * * * * *

Can we do it?

“I can’t believe how much I changed while I was gone!” I told myself.

I had been touched by the love of Heather when she came and brought me flowers in my time of need.

I had been encouraged by Della as she and I served alongside each other and both gave and received strength 

And I had been inspired by Jennifer trusting me to lead.

I was no longer the same Bona.

But so much of Albania was the same! 

And so many people were the same as when I had left:

• the same problems
• the same complaints
• the same mentality. 

Over and over again, I would get the same response: “It can’t be done.” 

As a shopper, just take a look at what I become used to: 

• customer service
• talking to managers
• getting receipts
• AND returning items that didn’t work. 

But Albania didn’t work that way—or at least much of Albania didn’t work that way.

“Would the risk be too great?”

I found myself full of doubts and questions:: 

Would women be willing to try something new? 

Or would the risk be too great?

What would happen when women stepped out of their comfort zone? 

How would women respond to the freedom and affirmation I experienced through MOPS? 

Could we create the type of community I had in the US? 

Would we have a place where women were welcomed and loved as soon as they walked in rather than having to prove themselves?

Looking back now, at the heart of a lot of these questions, I was asking, “am I enough?” I asked this question about what I wanted to do. I was also asking this question about how I was.

Am I enough?

To be honest, I had another concern too—how would I fit in? 

When we moved back to Albania, I immediately re-entered many of the same relationships I had from when I was a kid. The church I had attended as a teenager split shortly after Josh and I got married (not because we got married!). Our family had begun to go to one of these two groups, so I was with many of the people I had grown up with.

My experience in those first few weeks had been a mixed bag. On one hand, I was warmly embraced by many childhood friends from the moment I stepped off the plane. We met together for coffee. They invited our kids and us over to their homes. 

“I was still me, but I was more than who I used to be.” 

On the other hand, I felt like I was welcomed with a condition or with the assumption that I would be the same person who had left. I would play the violin. I would help with the kids. Of course, I would be busier than I was when I was single. But I’d be the adult version of that girl. If asked to do something, I would be cheerful. I would do what was expected of me.

The reality was that I was still me, but I was more than who I used to be. 

What would all this look like?

How would I talk to my friends when I didn’t like their expectations of me? 

Would I have what it takes to launch something new? 

At the core of a lot of these questions, I was asking, “Am I as Bona enough?” 

“What we believe about ourselves,” writes Nancy Lee Demoss, “Determines how we live.” 

I wrestled every day with this.

Nothing will Stop Us!

We asked my cousin Blerta who was involved in MOPS from the beginning, “What do you want to mention from those early days?” 

“The enthusiasm and joy that Bona did things with,” she said. “Trips. Messages. Making call after call. Laughing. Joking.”

So was I afraid during those days?  – Yes, I felt so burdened!

Or was I full of courage? – Yes, it was like we were unstoppable!

Somebody said, “Courage is moving forward in the face of fear.” 

That was me! 

What about you?

Are You Enough?

You and I know the answer should be “YES!” 

God says it and that settles it, right?

But if we move too quickly to the answer we know is the “right” answer, we risk not knowing ourselves. There’s part of me that HATES going deeper. There’s another part of me that knows every time open up my journal and write, it is good.

Today, I want to tell you that “You are enough!”

And I want to be open and honest with you. I have not always believed “Bona, you are enough.”  

And I want to invite you to answer the question honestly for yourself.