Bona, what if I messed up?

Talking about date nights, flowers, and romance is a lot of fun. 

But life isn’t always like that, is it? 

Last week, I wrote about a special moment. I was with a bunch of other moms. We listened to a special talk about “Keeping the Romance Alive.” Two moms later told us that that night they had gotten pregnant! 

As I prepared to share this last week, I thought you might be wondering:

Bona, what if I really messed up?

All of us mess up. 

Sometimes my husband Josh and I love each other well, and it’s so special. There are other times when we don’t, and that can hurt. 

Erase the past?

Sometimes when we mess up, we wish we could erase the past, right? 

I know I do. 

Listen to what Gary Chapman, one of my favorite authors, shares about what can happen when we mess up.“Love doesn’t keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn’t bring up past failures. None of us is perfect. In marriage we do not always do the right thing. We have sometimes done and said hurtful things to our spouses. We cannot erase the past. Having confessed my failure and asked forgiveness, I can do nothing more to mitigate the hurt it may have caused my spouse.”

The way of love

Right now, perhaps what is weighing more heavily on your heart is not what you’ve done. It’s what your spouse has done to you. 

I love the way that Gary Chapman describes this. 

“When I have been wronged by my spouse and she has painfully confessed it and requested forgiveness, I have the option of justice or forgiveness. If I choose justice and seek to pay her back or make her pay for her wrongdoing, I am making myself the judge and her the felon. Intimacy becomes impossible. If, however, I choose to forgive, intimacy can be restored. Forgiveness is the way of love.”

I love this. And it’s so hard! Isn’t it?

Forgiving and being forgiven. 

Choosing the way of love.

This week, I didn’t write a long post. I did want to follow up to say that I realize last week didn’t resonate with some of you who are hurting. 

I wanted to share some thoughts. 

And I want to create the space to hear from you too. 

What would you say?

What about you, when you mess up, what words do you want to hear from the person you have hurt?

What words do you speak to others when they hurt you?