Keeping the Romance Alive

What was the most important topic from the first year?

If you ask women that attended the first few MOPS meetings in Albania, one of the topics that sticks out to many of us was this:

“Keeping the Romance Alive in Marriage.” 💓💓💓

Taboo: “Don’t Talk about Sex”

I grew up with a taboo for talking about sex.

I never had “the talk” with my mom or dad.

Even with most people my own age at church, I felt like we had to pretend that we were not interested in talking about sex. I got married and moved outside Albania.

“this taboo was broken”

Over and over again, this taboo was broken.

For me, it was broken by men and women who were kind, honest, trustworthy people who weren’t afraid to talk about sex. At MOPS in the US, we had a talk about intimacy in marriage, and I wanted to do this in Albania too.

Why I chose Chelle

I knew the woman I wanted to invite—Chelle Stire.

Chelle and her husband had moved to the US from Texas with their four wonderful girls. Chelle is fun. Chelle is energetic and Chelle is honest and open.

Chelle had been in Albania long enough to know how to speak to women here. But since she wasn’t Albanian, like me, or married to an Albanian man, she wasn’t under the same expectation to avoid directly addressing the topic of sexual intimacy.

Intimacy & Freedom

The first thing we had to work on was the title. Someone suggested “Sexual intimacy.” We thought that might be too direct for some women, and that they might not show up. Again, it was still pretty taboo to talk about sex in public in Albania at that time even in private. We decided women could get warmed up to the topic with the title, “Te mbash te gjalle romancen e marteses” which translated means  “Keeping Romance Alive in Marriage.”

“The freedom didn’t stop with conversations at the meetings!”

When Chelle stood up to speak, we acted like little girls—giddy, giggling, and curious.

Chelle poured out her heart. She talked about God’s beautiful design for us and for marriage. She talked about her marriage—moments where the fireworks went off and moments where they hadn’t. Something amazing happened that day as these taboos were broken. Women became freer and more open to talking about sexual intimacy than they ever had been before.

But the freedom didn’t stop with simply engaging in conversation at the meeting that day!

Later that year, one mom that attended Chelle’s talk came back and came back and told us, “That night I got pregnant.” Then another mom said the same thing had happened to her! We all celebrated together!

There were moments that first year when it seemed heaven opened, and a miracle took place.

I loved the community we were creating.

I loved that women were becoming more open and vulnerable.

What about you?

As I reflect on that period, I remember how I was growing–as a leader, as a mom, and as a wife. This process is never easy.

Maybe you’re reading this in a period of conflict or where you and your spouse aren’t enjoying each other. I have been there before. I’d like to share something about conflict and having fun.

What does conflict mean?

Did you just have a conflict with your spouse?

Recipe for fun?

How have my husband Josh and I had fun together?

What activities have been good for us?

I really like what Gary Chapman says:

“The essential ingredients in a quality activity are: (1) at least one of you wants to do it, (2) the other is willing to do it, (3) both of you know why you are doing it—to express love by being together.”